was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize