I didn't shave. On purpose
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
