sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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