Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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