I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
