He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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