So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
