Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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