i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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