The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
