there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
