Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
