Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
