I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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