I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
