I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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