I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
