im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
