You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
