Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
