Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
