Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
