I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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