I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
