"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
