Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
