I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
