i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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