Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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