There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize