i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
