Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
