i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We have so much sex to catch up on
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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