Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
In America we eat man semen.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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