We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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