She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
