i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
