where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think I am morally bankrupt
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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