she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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