even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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