We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
