So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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