He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
