I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
