peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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