so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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