Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm really busy with my period
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