I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
