In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
