I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
