those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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