You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
