your thong is hanging out like whoa
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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