as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think my vagina is haunted
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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