I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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