In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
