As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
