She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
