I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
