Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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