maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
