Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
