Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
