Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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