my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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