I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
