i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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