so explain again why im purple
no
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
