There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
