Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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