Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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