Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
