I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
