she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize