what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
