i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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