More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
