Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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