does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
