That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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