dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
