i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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