I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
