I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
