Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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