since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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