He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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