He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize