my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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