I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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