Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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