Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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