I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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