i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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