cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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