Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
