the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
