mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
