dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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