No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
