the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
