why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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