ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize