first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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