idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
