pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
