If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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