Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
