I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
